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Traditions! / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Traditions! / Carla Bell (wife)

 I know I can't take your place but I try to do do some of the traditional things that you did. I called Jim on the day between your birthdays to wish him a Happy birthday. This year I even did what you trained me for and forgot Bobbie's birthday and wished her happy one a day late. She said that made it more special since you always got mixed up on when her birthday was. I even called and left a message for Dave last year to wish him one. I don't know if he got the message or not...but you remember how that goes. 

 I so appreciated Jim and Karen having me come to thier little reunion at Manitou Park when they came down. Jim looked like he did when he was moving John and his family to California. Need I say more. I know Jim really misses having your Sunday visits during the car races. I just don't keep up on it and it wouldn't be the same any way if I tried to do that. but I do try to keep in contact. I had a dream about something happening to Jim the other day too and no one had gotten ahold of me to let me know. so I called him and talked to him for a little bit. Karen promised me that when something does happen she will get in touch.

 We all miss and love you sweetheart and remember you in our hearts!!!

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Dreams / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Dreams / Carla Bell (wife)

 Woke up crying the other day. Was dreaming...knew you were no longer here. but you had came and wanted to know what I had done with your rings.... do you think I could remember??? Even after I woke up it took a while to realize you didn't wear a wedding ring. You couldn't due to you job and working on cars. Don't know where that thought came from. If you were talking about the rings you bought me ---I'm still wearing them.                           

                                                   Love you your wife

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Potlucks! / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Potlucks! / Carla Bell (wife)

 Remember when we used to go to all the potlucks and you gave me such a hard time about bringing all the food. Well I got pulled into helping a gal here at work with her wedding buffet. The key word was helping. Oh well I always wanted to do that. So its off my bucket list. It turned into my reception tribute for you in my own mind. So you had enough food to feed around 300+.

 It took me about 3 days and wouldn't have been bad except not enough fridge space. Another gal at work donated her mothers kitchen and her fridges were full. So I spent half my time loading and onloading everything. Finally resorted to coolers. We got several compliments on the food and I know you would have enjoyed the party. I was so busy I didn't even have time to go home and clean up. Thankfully three of the gals helped set up the buffet with the help of getting a couple of guys to go help get the heavy stuff.  As far as I know everyone had a good time. There was one funny moment! When we were packing up everything to go home some gal that we didn't know but had been enjoying the party was unloading stuff out of the cars as fast as we were loading it and putting it back into the the industrial cooler where the reception was had.

 I know you had to be watching and giving me heck for doing too much. Then smiling because you knew that would not stop me. You liked giving me a hard time but you were always proud of the end results. I'm sorry I don't write more often. Meibe now that winter is coming I will have more time. I still miss you terribly but not the heart wrenching ripping as though my heart is being squeezed to death near as much. There are still moments though. Well I better go. Love you.

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Just me  / Jim Bell   Read >>
Just me  / Jim Bell
Sure do miss talking to youyou never really gave advise but you did listen. Carla called the other day and we talked for a while. Things have been pretty rough lately is a real bummer when you have found things that work but can't keep up with it because of money. Don't hear from much of anyone ( accept mom and Carla). They are all busy. Saw Bobbi when I was in Spokane she didn't say anything but she didn't think I was looking to good. (but then again that's my natural state lol) Was good to see her. I'm still plugging along a lot slower now but pluggin all the same. Wish we could talk miss the race day conversations and all the rest. Oh well miss you! Your loving son Jim Close
Hi Dad  / Barbara (Daughter)  Read >>
Hi Dad  / Barbara (Daughter)

I just read Carla's last three posts on here ... I have been horrible at keeping in contact with her ... and I am sorry.   She is so strong and so wonderful in every way and she has shown a strength that I know that she has to dig deep inside to find.  I will do better!

A lot is going on in my life right now yet nothing is going on in my life right now.  Somehow I know you understand that statement.

I didn't make it to Spokane for the family get together at Manito park but I am going to try my hardest to somehow make it up on the 20th so I can see Bo on the 20th and 21st.   Send me some luck so that I can make that happen please.  

I love you dad and I miss you so very much!  

Keep saving a big hug for me...

Barbara

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Rings / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Rings / Carla Bell (wife)

Well baby. I took the Hells Canyon tour that you always talked about taking. I think you would have enjoyed it. The only problem for you would have been getting to the restrooms and the lunch spot. There was some uphill walking. There were a couple of other people that were having problems too.

 Remember the first time you seen the basalt columns in Yellowstone. They had those along the canyon walls as well as a layer of ash that was deposited by the valcanoe that created Crater Lake. So there were memories of places that we had been together.

 The trip was not the same without you. And I caught myself turning my wedding ring and thinking of you. At least I have a portable memory of you to take along. As I would turn it I could here your comments. You always enjoyed different rock formations. And then coming back the boat piolet was turning the boat and catching the waves to get everyone wet. It felt good since it was a hot day. You would have liked the piolet too. He found a boater that had been stranded with mechanical problems since the day before and had his family with him. As he said he was "out of ice patience and almost beer." We gave him a tow back to Hellers bar. That was interesting too. We had just got him up tp plain when the tow rope snapped. Then we had to recover them in mid stream and rehook them with a different rope. Of course I took a picture and remembered the time I took pictures in Alaska when we were being towed back to Anchorage in the moterhome. We saw some mountain sheep that looked like the ones in the Badlands herons like on the coast and a pelican which they said was rare to find up there. We also saw a steurgeon that was around 4 feet long and dead floating in the river. As many trips as the boat operator makes he said it was maybe the third time he had seen one

 Well baby I love you and I will keep turning my ring and thinking of you . Oh there were some people tjat have traveled all over the world on board also But they were like you when you were haeling trailers. They have been by places on there way to somewhere but unable to stop and look. Yellowstone Park is one of those places. They were talking about going there. I told them to be sure and go see Artist Point and the falls. I remembered the first time you stood there and seen it. We had went through Glacier Park and couple of days before and a guy had told you is was a waste of time going to Yellowstone since Glacier was so much better. That made me a little nervous since I had talked you into going to Yellowstone. But as we stood on the overlook looking at Artist Point and the falls. You put your arm around me and said you couldn't understand why the guy that had told you that. That this was some of Gods finest work. I felt so bad when we were there last year and you couldn't make the walk down to see it one more time. I mentioned getting you a chair  so we could get you to see some of these places but no you wouldn't give up trying to do what you could.And you said you always had my pictures.

 Well I'll get back to you next week. I'll be going to Spokane to see Jim and Karen.So I will give you and update.

Love your friend and wife  Carla

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thirteen months  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
thirteen months  / Carla Bell (wife)

Well baby we are pass the year mark but in a lot of ways it seems like yesterday and in others like forever. I absolutely hate putting people into the room that you left from. My heart sinks everytime I do especially if they have the same thing wrong with them that you did.

 You would be totally ashamed of the yard. The front is not to bad but the back is horrible. One of the guys at the hardware store talked me into using something besides what I wanted and I don't know if it just didn't work or if it was because of the weather but everything got out of control. I  just don't have time to redo things  if it doesn't work the first time.

Oh well! I'm trying to get out and do a couple of other things besides the house. A gal at work asked me to take the Hells Canyon boat trip with her and her family. She assures me I won't be infringing on her family time. So I guess I will be making that little trip that you wanted to take. Then Jim and Karen are going to be In Spokane  next month. They want the family to meet at Manitou Park for a picnic. Not sure who will be there besides Jim and karen and Myrna and her husband. But I know you will be there with us. I plan on going up early that morning and doing some shopping which will seem strange without you. Since you knew the town I'll probably get lost. I know you even had trouble finding Manitou Park when we went up there. But its worth a shot.

 Well sweetheart I miss you and you will be in my thoughts as always. Its amazing how many times I will see a picture going by on the computer and I will remember things you said or did that day.  I don't need video even though I need to get those copied and give some to the kids. Because I can replay things in my head that we didn't have video or still pictures of.

                   Love you Carla

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Sorry!! / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Sorry!! / Carla Bell (wife)

Well we reached the year mark a couple of days ago. Hard to beleive it has been that long. I spent the first few months in the fog with you beside me. Now the fog has dissolved and you with it.

 You used to give me such a hard time for never saying I was sorry. I have had the whole year to think if there was any thing I could have done differently to have prevented what happened. It's odd how we always blame our selves when things go wrong. I think of the day you fell. We were at Banff park and had stopped for lunch. You sent me out to the car when we were done eating and you went to pay the tab. I warned you to watch the stairs but you forgot about the ones in the foyer and were looking at the tab when you missed the stairs and fell.  The lady who helped you out to the car offered to call the medics but you said you were fine so we left. I did the driving  until we found a motel in a small town and decided to hole up for the night. You had peeled the skin back on your wrist so we found a pharmacy and got some peroxide and bandages. I kept asking you if you had hit your head but you said no. I asked you if you wanted to come home so we could get you checked out but you said no. The next morning you said you felt fine and was surprised you weren't sore form your tumble. We merrily went on our way. I should have been suspicious because you let me do a lot more of the driving than normal. Of course you wer driving when we got stopped for speeding but I got tired of nagging so let you go. You seemed to be having a great time but you were always a master at covering up when something was wrong so I still don't know if you were or not. 

 The last few years every trip we took you normally got sick the first couple of days out. We always figured it took you a while to adjust to the altitude changes. This time it didn't seem to bother you. When we got to the top of the world highway I mentioned I would like to drive it since you had the last three times. And you let me. 

 We didn't do near as much in Alaska as we normally did but we did go to Homer and stopped at a few things we hadn't seen before. When we left you wanted to know if I really wanted to go by Denali again or not. I told you not really so we went back to Glenallen and up the middle to Delta Junction and back to Tok. I.m sorry I was so cranky on that leg of our trip. But you hadn't wanted to stop and get gas so we were running on fumesby the time we got there. Which wouldn't have been so nerve wracking if we hadn't came to were the road was closed for awhile because of the forest fire.

 You wanted to go to Haynes so we could get a picture that we hadn't been able to get before because of weather. So we made arrangements to go there and stay the night and catch the ferry to Skagway. You were amazed at motel room we got there. It was really nice and reasonable!!! The next morning the border guard almost didn't want to let us back into Canada unless we had insurance to get back home if something happened. We laughed because we didn't think we looked that bad. We stopped and took pictures of Emerald Lake again. It was never as spectacular as that first time we seen it. But then we kew what to expect.  You wanted to know if we should go to South Dakota or down to see Bobbie. Bobbie had sounded down when we had talked to her so we went to her place. Her and I have discussed how bad we felt that we left you to go shopping even though you had told us to. We wasted some of the time we could have had with you.

 We continued on down the Oregon coast and went to Crater Lake on our way home. The last couple of times we had been there we hadn't been able to see it. Once because of a blizzard and then because of the smoke from surrounding forest fires. This time it was out in all of its glory. Then you had always wanted to see the Crows Nest outside of Portland so I had found out how to get there before we had left home and we found it. The view was spectacular.

 When you write out the itinerary I guess we pretty much saw everything you loved to see on this trip other than South Dakota but we had been there last year. And we always had the picture of you and your donkey friends to make you laugh.

 I'm so sorry if there was something I could have done differently to made a different outcome. Or when you were in the hospital the night before your surgery and you told me you you were scared if there had been anything I could have told you to make it easier other than giving you a hug and telling you I was too.

 I dreamt of you last week. It was like you had been gone along time and then came back. You gave me a hug and kiss and then I woke up. So if there was something I could have done and didn't I feel that you have forgiven me. But I am still sorry for not taking better care of you. I love you and will talk to you more later.

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One year  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)  Read >>
One year  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)

Well Dad the day has come ... in less than 2 hours you will have been gone for one year.  In some ways it seems like yesterday and in many ways it seems like much longer. 

I haven't reached the point that it isn't as hard yet ... I did get on here and left a Fathers Day note but I don't see it tonight.  I was telling you that although I am sad that you are not here I am happy that we have the wonderful memories. 

You were and are so much a huge part of my world I still strive to be like you haven't reached it yet but I won't quit trying.

A lot is changing in my world but for today I am going to try to just think happy thoughts of you ... and hug you in my heart.

 

I love you with my whole heart ... and just today I thought about some advice that you gave me once ... I smiled.

Death is such a hard thing to grasp onto ... I will try to just remember your life and do what you told me to do; be happy because you had a good life. 

I miss you dad!!!

 

Your Daughter.

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Missing you!!!  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Missing you!!!  / Carla Bell (wife)

Well baby this is the third time I have written to you that is not here. The one time the enternet went ou just as I submitted. Today since I hadn't put a title on it it erased when I submitted.

I sure ther will be a lot of typos in this if it goes through. I'm not the typist Bobbie is.

 I am still missing you a lot and thinking of you constantly. Last month I would get to work and look out across the river and imagine you working there. I remember when you helped build the port and I would flag for you when you had to take the crane somewhere else. They have several cranes set up over ther right now because of the mega loads that they are getting ready to take up highway 12. Yes highway 12!!! Can you beleive it. But everynight I would tell you good night sitting on your crane across the river. One of the girls was making fun of me because she said I talked like you had just ran to the store and hadn't made it home yet. Actually that is the way I feel.  Just waiting.

 I think I will make my letters shorter and just write more often. Then I won't lose so much if it doesn't make it. I love you and think of you everyday.

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April 12th.  / Jim Bell (Son)  Read >>
April 12th.  / Jim Bell (Son)
I know that yesterday was your birthday but we never got ahold of each other on your birthday or mine we always got ahold of each other on the 12th.so that's the day that was hard for me. It's 11:28pm Alaska time on the 12th.and I have been thinking about the call that has been made for so many years and isn't going to be made any more. I miss you dad and I love you. I guess this is as close to making that birthday call as I'll get. Love Your Son Close
Happy Birthday Baby!!!  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Happy Birthday Baby!!!  / Carla Bell (wife)

Well Happy Birthday!!! I know you hear our birthday wishes even though your celebrating it somewhere else. I was thinking a couple of days ago about how you would have actually of had 2 birthdays. Your physical birth and the day that you went to you parents. I'll have to check and see what day you were adopted. You always said you had been blessed by being adopted because you had such a wonderful dad. Hopefully him and your mom are there to celebrate with you. You won't be worried about me fixing a big dinner for you since I fix a lot of macoroni and cheese now and skip the big doings. Knowing you you'll be happy as long as you get you white cake with chocolate frosting.

 I still remember last year we were making plans for our trip and I got you a gps. It still sits in the box since there are only a couple of major roads going to Alaska and we didn't need it. Not that you ever needed it you got along fine with me helping to navigate occasionally and my name is not Tom Tom. Sorry I know you must miss the bantering we used to do. Remember the trip to Alaska when it was getting close to Bobbie Jo's birthday and she rode with us towards Fairbanks. She got so tickeled at us going back and forth.

 Well baby  enjoy your birthday even though hopefully you don't miss us as much as we miss you because that would put a real crimp in having a good time. We love and miss you!!

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Happy Birthday  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)  Read >>
Happy Birthday  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)

Good morning Dad; today is your Birthday. 

In honor of you I am going to buy a yellow climbing rose ... Or as you would say "a yellow rose of Texas".  

I will call Carla this morning to see how she is doing; and I will go through all of the motions of the day but this is by far the hardest day so far except that horrible day.

It seems as though some days I have used up all of the strength that I have then from nowhere there comes more; I think you have something to do with that. 

I am going to plant my rose in a big pot so that I can take it with me wherever I go I think you would like that.

I miss you so very much dad ... so very much!!!!  ... and I love you even more than I miss you!

Happy Birthday Dad.

Barbara

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Nine Months and counting  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Nine Months and counting  / Carla Bell (wife)

Well baby I don't know if its because its getting to be spring and time to get out and do something or what but I am missing you more and more each day. At least the winter fit my mood---dark and cold! Now that the light is still out when I get off work and when I get up it just doesn't fit.

 I see photos of you each day. In the beginning they gave me comfort but now it hurts to see them knowing WE will not be sitting together to watch for that perfect sunset or driving through any more rainbows. We were always chasing rainbows. You never beleived me when I would tell you when it was raining that by the time we got somewhere we wanted to take a picture that the sun would come out long enough for us to get a rainbow. Then it would happen. As soon as we would get the picture we wanted it would start to rain again. I don't know how many times you said God was blessing our travels. I guess he blessed our last trip together too even though I lost you as a result of it. But whos to say the same thing wouldn't have happened even if we had been home. As many times as you had fallen or wrecked cars you normally came out pretty good except for breaking your back. So I am thankful that you made it as long as you did without worse consequences. It was like you were daring fate at times. Like the time you put the ladder in the back of the pickup bed in order to get higher in the fir tree in order to trim it after the storm. And that was when you were having trouble with your knees. Then the time the tie rod broke in the pickup and you went airborn and rammed it into a bridge embuttment. You caved in the jockey box with your head and bent the gearshift up int the dash. You did get a goose egg on your head and cut your hand where the gear shift got you also bruised the inside of both of your legs where you bounced up and straddled the steering wheel column. But did you go to the hospital to get checked out ? NO!! If your were going to get a blood clot in your head you would have thought that would have done it. Or the time you told me you were out skidding logs by yourself and ended up pulling a tree down on top of yourself. Of course you didn't have a cab on the Cat. When you came to the Cat was nose first into a tree and you were limbing the side of another tree with the side of your head. You ended up with a crease in your head that irritated you when you went to comb your hair because the comb would stick in it! Evidently you had crushed your outer skull. Who knows no doctor then either.

 Then the time that even your grandson Kenny remembers since he was with you. You had went to check on a crane to make a checklist for the next operator. You didn't realize that the carrier had rubbed a hole in the fuel tank so that when you started it the electric pump put out a spark that ignited all the  gas that was saturating the crane and surrounding ground. You had time to throw Kenny and to tell him to run lock up the swings and jump just as the crane blew! I was hot enough that it singed your hair and cooked the leather shoes you were wearing. Then you wondered why you had lung issues. But then I'm sure working at Libbey Montana with the pop rock they were using for insulation didn't help either. That is where the retirement plan in 20 years was mesotheleoma and death. But then you only worked there a couple of years.

 There is more---much more. But if you look at all of it I'm thankful I had you as long as I did. But it doesn't make it any easier. I love you and will talk to you again later.

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A different anniversary!  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
A different anniversary!  / Carla Bell (wife)

 Well sweetheart we would be celebrating our 34th wedding anniversary on the 27th of this month. As it is I hope no one even wishes me happy birthday since they are on the same day. We didn't normally do much on our anniversary since we were always saving for summer to take some of our wonderful trips.But there were a few years you couldn't seem to help yoursel and went all out.

 I didn't get very many cards and you were always teasing me I didn't keep them anyway. But surprise ! Surprise!  You were normally right but I have the birthday card and anniversary card you got me for our 30th anniversary.  It read;

 Love is the bond that held  us close through years of trust and sharing....

 Love is the bond that's strengthened us through gentleness and caring....

 Love is the bond that's set us free to follow our dreams together....

 Love is the bond that joins our hearts-

                                            today

                                             tomorrow

                                                forever!

Then you wrote;

 Well honey can you believe it? 30 years and we're still going strong. That sure beat the odds that some people gave us when we got married. It's been quite a trip. A few downs but a lot of ups.

 Remember just the two of us on the fantail of the "Columbia" going up the inside passage? An unforgettable expierience!!! Seeing Emerald Lake Muncho Lake the Mountains the animals the bears at Hyder glacier cruises water falls and above all else the anticipation of WHATS NEXT???

 I'm a winner!!! I have a caring loving wife who demands little loves lots likes almost everything I do and almost understands me. I'm married to my best friend and happy. I love you Carla.  

                               Bob

 Then you did a double whammy and gave me a beautiful birthday card that year too! But that was you always doing the unexpected .

 It reads;

 To My Wife

 I'm so lucky to have you in my life .

Sweetheart I'm so glad I get to share my life with you. For there is so much warmth and gentleness in everything you do...

 You listen to my plans and dreams and show me that you care. When I need your understanding and your love your always there. You never try to change me into something that I'm not.  And you put your faith and trust in me--that really means a lot.. You're such a special woman and I'm your biggest fan- You're the greatest wife there is and I'm a very lucky man.

 Happy birthday and all my love love you always.

                                                 Bob

 I'm sorry I was never the mushy sentimental type. But I was basically raised with boys. And the women in my life were not the ideal feminine role models for normal girly stuff. But your cards meant a lot to me or I would not have kept them. I don't know if I ever told you I took them to work and a couple of the girls cried when they read them. They were the mushy girly girls.

 A lot of what you said in your cards could have been turned around and I could have said the same things. You stood up for me when you thought it was necessary and stood behind me pushing me forward when you thought I had a goal I wanted to reach..... and always cheering me on.So that showed you had faith and trust in me even though you were always teasing me about doing things backwards. As I told you 'Who cares as long as it gets done.'

 I loved you from the second time we met but not being a girly girl that pursued you seemed to keep you interested. I never reacted the way you thought I would to different things that came up and that seemed to intrigue you. It irritated you so much that I wouldn't tell you I loved you when you told me that you loved me. My response was;" I like you too. " I had trust issues and I wasn't letting anyone have that control until I was sure I could trust them. But when I gave my love to you ...I gave it all and you still have it So happy wedding anniversary. I know your looking down and smiling with that little crooked grin and that sparkle in your eyes.  I love you now and forever.

                                          Your best friend and wife Carla

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8 months  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)  Read >>
8 months  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)

Well dad today is the 28th; as close as I can get to the that horrible anniversary day... and I miss you more now then I ever have. 

I haven't been doing a good job of keeping in touch with Carla as I did a while back; seems that on my days off she is in an 8 day stretch.  I am hoping that she comes over here this spring; she said that she is going to. 

We want to try to go to the Black Hills this summer ... but the soonest that I can get the week off is in augustus and we were really hoping to do it in Juni ... to be somewhere that you love on your 1 year anniversary of being gone.

I haven't talked to David since you left us dad; he blames me for something; I just haven't figured out what yet.   Sure wish life was easier.  I know that we all grieve in our own way and I think that is a part of the problem. 

Bill had to finally quit recording the Nascar races on our television; when you were here you accidently set the TV up to record all of them; we ran out of space.  I would have recorded them for the rest of my life if I could have. 

Well Dad it is with honor and love that I say I miss you and I love you!!!!!!!  I wish this one anniversary didn't have to happen.  

I know that you told us to not be sad if you left us; be happy because you had a wonderful life full of great things ... well this isn't the first time that I didn't listen; but for once I wish I could.

I miss you dad!!!! 

 

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Missing you!!!  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Missing you!!!  / Carla Bell (wife)

 Well baby since I can't write to you on the 29th  since this is Februari  I'll do it now. I took a little ride yesterday and for the first time since you left I almost wished I had my camera. I didn't go that far just to Lapwai and back but I saw a fair sized herd of dear out on the snow covered fields. Also a flock of wild turkeys and a couple of hawks sitting on a tree waiting for lunch. It was so cold I was surprised to see everything out in the open. It was only 17 degrees with a little wind.

 You wouldn't be out working in the garden this year if you were here. I don't know how many times we were already woking in the garden by now. Normally in Januari. Last year we had already rototilled and you were getting you sprinkler system set up. I don't think I'll bother with the garden this year since your not here to eat it. What was here when you left last year went to waste. I didn't feel like picking it and the one time I did someone had helped themselves again. I think I'll just put it to yard. I asked the sprinkler guys if I could just put a y on you system out back and just put out a couple of rainbirds. As you would have known they said no problem.

 I think I'll have enough to keep me busy without the garden anyway. I need to get some work done on the house as you probably already knew. So I have to check out getting that done and see if I can get a loan  to do it. You trying to make sure I had some credit of my own might come in handy now. Then working the shift I do is like having one day off when I do get them since nothing gets done at night so I'll have to figure out how to get some sleep while the work is being done. You would have had a plan probably going on vacation while it was being done. But its no fun alone and Bobbie and Bill and I can't seem to coordinate with everyone else on taking time off.

 I saw where Jim had wrote you about it being race season. I seen they were on too. But I haven't even looked to see what is going on. Surprise! surprise! I haven' even read any books . You never could figure out how I could read a book and still know as much as you about what was going on in the race. I'm not as good at multi-tasking now. I use what I have for work. It's hard enough just making myself leave the house. I almost had myself talked out of going anywhere yesterday but poor  Kaysee the cat had to have food and a clean litterbox.

 You would have got a chuckle out of what she did last week. I've been sleeping on your side of the bed and since I been painting the bedroom and Kaysee has a respiratory infection she's been taking antibiotics for I took the cover from around the air conditioner in the bedroom for ventilation. Well she figured out if she gets on the headboard she can get on top of the air condtioner. So she gets up there to lay done and to go outside occasionally. She only resorts to that when I'm in bed because she knows all she has to do is say something and I'll let her out for her two minutes and then get back up to let her back in about 5 time and hour. But she made a flying leap for the headboard the other day and I raised up and turned my head to see what she was up to. Well she caught the little bear figurine that Kaye had got for me and slung it backward with her baseball mitt feet and split my lip on the inside and outside both. I had all these people at work trying to rub the black off my lip because they thought I had something there. I did a bruise. It even ran down the corner of my mouth and down my neck. Now I know how you felt about Amy not that I remember her ever actually hurting you. Last night I was sound aleep and she jumped of the headboard landed on my forehead felt herself slipping so grabbed hold and now I don't just have worry wrinkles.

 I seem to be rambling today but I have so many thoughts running around in my head. About you and what we would be doing and what I need to be doing and what I'm actually doing.I like your plans a lot better and the fact you would motivate me to get even more done. I love and miss you sweetheart and the fact that this month does not have an anniversary date of your leaving does not make the fact that your not here any shorter or less memorable. Talk at you later.                          Love Carla

  

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Racing season  / Jim Bell (Son)  Read >>
Racing season  / Jim Bell (Son)

Well NASCAR season started back up. Didn't watch the Daytona 500 until later this week. Knew we would have been talking to each other on the phone normally so just had to wait. And I was right was a tremendous race and were a lot of places we would have been on the phone so glad I waited was hard enough when I did watch it. Jerry had recorded it for me he and I talked about missing you and how hard it would have been to watch it on raceday. Miss you dad!

Love Jim

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Valentines Day  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Valentines Day  / Carla Bell (wife)

 Well Baby valentines day is here. Just thought I would tell you that even though I couldn't get you anything this year. that you have my heart just like always. Its a bit tattered and worn since Juni like a valentine heart you would have saved from 1st grade. But it is still yours whats left of it.

 I love you and miss you bunches as you would tell me when you were out of town on a job and we would talk on the phone. I need to go get our videos converted from tape to disc so I can watch and listen to you occasionaly.

 The fog has lifted but the sun still does not shine without you here. Looking at your pictures gave me solice in the beginning but now they hurt that the numbness of grief is wearing thin. I love you and will talk to you again soon. Not that I don't in my mind as I try to think about what to do about certain things and get your advice. We always discussed any major things we were going to do and had to agree before it was done. But now I'm on my own. So I'm still seeking your advice and waiting for the answers.

 I love and miss you baby. See you again someday. 

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Wish I could talk to you!  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)  Read >>
Wish I could talk to you!  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)

Well Dad it is simple to say all of the I miss you and I love you's ... what is hard is feeling them.  I am so very thankful for one of the videos that Carla made at one of your reunions ... I hear your voice in it... what a wonderful voice!!!

Things are tough at work right now; it seems that I am not doing a lot of things the way that I should; or at least that is what I am made to feel.  I try hard I work hard and I come in whenever they ask ... it just isn't enough ... I am too old to fit into their click and I wouldn't want to if I could ... but I am feeling more and more like I am wearing out; it scares me I have several more years that I have to work. 

I somehow know that you are looking down on me right now and trying to encourage me I feel that often; just wish I knew what advice you would give me. 

I feel your love I feel your approval and I feel your concern I know that all things don't die they just can't. 

I miss you dad in a way that I can't even begin to put into words; this whole thing just sucks ... that is the only way I know to put it.

If you get a chance I could sure use you coming to see me in a dream or something ... but until then I will remember. 

I talked to Carla last night she says that she is ok but I hear it in her voice ... I miss seeing her too.  I promise I will get over there.  I got her something and I have to send it; I hope it helps.

 

I love you dad!!!  And even with as much as I love you I miss you more!!!!!!!

Your daughter.

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