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Me too!!!  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)  Read >>
Me too!!!  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)

Dad

I was talking to Carla the other night and she was telling me about the grapes and the cinnamon rolls that she bought ... we all know that she doesn't eat sweets.  We were laughing saying that they were going to get pretty stale then I told her to get Slim Fast.   We laughed some more ...

Then the laughing stops deep inside ... and reality. 

You were so REAL you were so CARING you were so KIND ... you were what always made life make sense. 

I ate a tomato from my plants the other day ... and I thought back to this spring when we were waiting for the ok from you to plant them.  Who do I ask my million questions to?  Where do I go to find the simple answer that always seemed to work?  How do I get my happiness back?  Why did this have to happen?  Why did you have to leave?  How will everything be ok again?  Will it be ok again?  Why does it make me so angry when I see everyone around me "OK" when everything is NOT ok?   Why do so many of the things that mattered before not matter anymore? 

Just a few of the questions that I won't get answered ... because you aren't here with us.   Oh how I miss you and love you.  I just want one more chance ... one  more time hearing your voice one more reassuring hug. 

I have only had one dream about you since you left just waiting for the next one ... maybe I can feel myself holding your hand again. 

I love you dad from the very center of my heart.  I am trying to be strong ... just guess some days are better than others. 

I will try to be more upbeat in my next message ... but for today this is what I need to say. 

I love you!!!

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Denial / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Denial / Carla Bell (wife)

 I didn't realize the ways that I had came up with to make me beleive your still here until I was putting groceries away the other day. As I was putting your grapes and ice cream away. And thinking about how I had even checked out the oranges that I can't  even eat. I must have a two year supply of ice cream stockpiled that you would have ate in a couple of weeks.

 Then I go into the bedroom to strip the bed and do laundry and realize I have all the pillows placed along your side of the bed so it looks like someone is still there. It makes me think your still there when I wake up and am backed up to them so It feels as if  you are still there.

 Your sunglasses are still laying on the passenger side of the car ready for you to put on for our next road trip. I had the dvd in the other day from our trip to Hyder and you were walking toward me smiling as you were trying to wave me off from taking your picture. It brought a smile to my face as I thought of you coming toward me to take my hand.

 I love you baby and healthy or not I still have ways to keep you with me!!

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Knowledge / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Knowledge / Carla Bell (wife)

 Bob's vast knowledge of so many things would totally  amaze me at times. Even after 35 years there would be something that would come up and he would know all about it.

 This knowledge  was picked up in the course of his life and retained forever. His  dad as well as being a farmer was also a carpenter. That is why Bob was known for his gardening Especially tomatoes! The part I got the kick out of though was he ran a string line in his garden and everything was placed on a grid. The tomatoe plants or whatever were planted on the intersections I was always teasing him it was like standing in Arlington cemetary when things first started growing. He would get aggrevated with me when I helped plant the seeds because when I got to the end of the row I would be getting tired of crawling around and just make a rounded sweep to finish it off ruining his straight lines.

 His first father -in- law had been a plumber and taught Bob how to measure and put in pipe. So there were many a time he would work on our plumbing. He also spent one summer putting in an underground sprinkler system for our yard.

 Fom his dad as well as gardening he learned a lot about carpentry. He was always building something around the house. We had an alcove in the bedroom that had evidently been the nursery at one time until he decided to build in a walk in closet. He build in cupboards for linens as well as drawers for clothes and a place on each side to hang them.

 Mechanics was his love though before we went computerized. He could take any moter from a car to a lawnmower  engine apart and rebuild it.

 There are many other things that he could do. Taking all this knowledge and taking scraps to come up with things that would work Like when we first got married. We were short on money so he built sprinklers out of my tampon covers. They worked but it was a little embarresing seeing all of these plastic tampon covers watering our yard.  Or the time the neighbors had gotten rid of a metal pole with a concrete base so he took it along with some metal fence posts and made an outside clothline. 

 It wasn't just hands on things that he had knowledge of.  It was people and there feelings and his love that we could depend on not just all the things he could do that I loved. Not that he could quote Shakespere but that he would give me a hug and tell me everything would be all right. I can almost feel him hugging me now!

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Showing how much you truly love ...  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)  Read >>
Showing how much you truly love ...  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)

Dad

I read Carla's message about wishing that you would have talked to her about possibly not making it ... I have thought a lot about it... I believe that you deliberately did that because you love her that much!!!  I think that you were trying to protect her! 

I remember each time that you came over and she was not able to come with you; you were never at ease while you were here and would stay long enough to get what you came over for accomplished then you would say "I need to get home to mama".  I guess that maybe I am trying to talk a little bit for you talk to her for you ... I know that you loved all of us kids with your whole "father" heart ... but your love for her was and is in a separate and a beautiful world ... like Bo said when Carla said that he could take you to Alaska because you loved it there .... You truly only loved being places if she was with you.   I am happy that you had the depth of love in your life that the two of you had ... and have.  

I want to live my life in a replica of you ... and I think that you would really want me to write this addition to your page. 

Carla he truly was devoted to you and your love ... that was his special love.  In the end he was talking to us in a fathers' way; I believe he wanted and felt that he needed to be strong for you ... to protect his wife. 

I hope I did a good job at this dad ... I tried my best!

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Big Red  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Big Red  / Carla Bell (wife)

Hi  Sweetheart

 I finally got around to taking Big Red up to Hansens garage  to get it serviced after I got off work wednesday morning. Most of the people kind of avoided me so I didn't know if they knew what had happened or not. But as soon as Todd got done he came out to talk to me. He had read about it in the paper and couldn't beleive what had happened. He had seen you just a few days before and he said you had told him how much better you were feeling and what a great time you had  on our trip.

 I'm glad that other people are telling me how much you enjoyed our last  trip. Bobbie had mentioned it as well as Dave. Things were so hectic when we got back that we hadn't had time to really talk about it. I hadn't even got our pictures  downloaded so you could see them. I finally got the pictures out of your camera downloaded the other day. You sure had a quite a few pictures of me taking off to take more pictures. Bobbie says that means you were always thinking of me.

 I keep hearing what you were telling other people about if you didn't make it out of the hospital . I feel bad that you didn't talk to me. I guess you were trying to protect me by sending me off to do  errands while you told others how you felt. But it makes me feel bad that you didn't seem to think you could talk to me and tell me how you felt. We had always shared everything  until this. I love you!!!

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A Tribute by Bobbie Jo  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
A Tribute by Bobbie Jo  / Carla Bell (wife)

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you and whispered come to me. With tearful eyes I watched youand saw you pass away. Although I loved you dearly I couldn't make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me he only... takes the best.

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... still  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)  Read >>
... still  / Barbara Fann (Daughter)

Dad

It has been two months now; they say that it will get better with time I just don't see how it can.  Everything is different!!!

This weekend was the Mini Hydros here on the lake; just a year ago we were all excited ... you and Carla came over just to watch them with us and even though they weren't what we had hoped for we enjoyed them!!!!  Today I cheered on your little blue boat; it didn't win but it certainly had a supporter. 

Somehow the last time you were here you set up our tv to record the Nascar race ... we have recorded every single race since then ... not that we will ever watch them ... but you set it up and we just cannot make it stop somehow it makes it like a part of you is still causing it to happen. 

Carla is wonderful; she loves you so very much!!!!  I love her and I know that you were happy that she and I were close we still are and always will be ... we all make mistakes in our lives and we all make some good choices ... you did good with her!!!

I wish I could pick up the phone and hear your voice but until I do hear it again I will always hear you calling out my name that last night before your surgery ... as I was leaving your room ... I felt your love and I know you felt mine ... I just hope that you know how deeply I will always love you!!!!

I have a lot of questions that I wish could be answered but I know I have to wait.    No one can stop the pain no one can stop the tears but that last night when you talked to us and told us that if something happened and you didn't come out of this you didn't want us to be sad has been forever engrained into my heart ... even when you were afraid you were thinking about us ... not you.  I love you for that and for a million other things.

... wait for me ...

I love you!

Barbara

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Cookin Up Memories  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Cookin Up Memories  / Carla Bell (wife)

 Well baby

 You know how I always wanted to make a cookbook but I didn't get it done before you left and since the computer crashed at the same. I lost what was started. But I've got part of it put back in. Now I'm  going to put antidotes in the notes section about why a recipe brings back memories. Like the way your dad liked his toast or the time I was canning tomatoes and had 5 gallons in a bucket and was ready to put  into jars when you had came into the kitchen and bumped the bucket with the door and they went all over the floor. It wasn't funny at the time. But it is now that it is a memory.   Or how you liked  pears and you mom always canned a 100 quarts or so but she wouldn't serve them to you or your dad. She had diverticulitis and used them to take her medicine. But every once in a while you would snitch a quart and you and Pal would sit by the creek while you ate them. You said you didn't know if she ever missed the jars or not . Then you would submerge the empty jar in the creek. I hope I can get every one to contribute not just stories about you but others in your family.  Maybe Buzzy and Arzzetta  have a few stories about your Aunt Blyth and Uncle Leonard. If they do they should be good since you often talked about what a character he could be.  Well I'll be working on it. Hopefully I'll get it done before I come to see you.

Hope you like the idea.     Love you!!!  

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Whispers!!!! / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Whispers!!!! / Carla Bell (wife)

 It's been two months since you started your journey without me. I heard you whisper "good morning "as soon as I got up this morning . There is a gentle breeze blowing and the chimes  the people at work got me  for a remembrance are gently  whispering . I have also been picking up the pennies you've been dropping. Thank you.  Remember we always thanked each other for everything the other one did so we would know  we were appreciated. I appreciate everything  you  are. All the little things you did that you never even thought about. Like taking the cars down to get them washed and serviced. I hear you nagging me every once in a while that I need to do that.  I'm trying!!

 Remember the last peaceful night we had before we got back from vacation. We spent six hours waiting for a sunset that didn't develop. I should have known something was wrong because patience was never your strong suit. Not that I think it would have mattered. I just figure we had a few more days together. We  were planning our next trip. We discussed me taking another week of vacation in  September or October so we could go to South Dakota again. I talked to Bobbi the other day about maybe we could go next May or June. Her and Bill and I; they listened to you talk about it so much they want to see it. Hopefully we can find your donkeys again. I told Bobbi we could take your short cut through the backway to the badlands. Bobbi volunteered  Bill to drive. He just wanted to know if we had 4-wheel drive.   She seemed excited about it!! Well baby  I'll go for now talk to you agin later. Love you.

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Found a poem that says a lot of what I feel.  / Carla Bell (wife)  Read >>
Found a poem that says a lot of what I feel.  / Carla Bell (wife)
To My Best Friend
I kept my promise to love honor and share. I kept my promise that to you that I would always there Until death do we part that is what they say. Oh my love why did you leave me that day? I wasn't ready for you to say goodbye as I look into the heavens with tears in my eyes I wasn't ready for you to die. My best friend why did you leave and not say goodbye? With so many questions and no answers as to why. I would have gone with you however God knows best and took you home to give you rest. I was not ready no not just yet With only one regret that I didn't tell you one last time I love you and forever you will be mine. My best friend this you must know and never forget. I will see you again when God calls my name and say's it is time to go home and be with your best friend once again.
By Diana Johnson

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With Sympathy  / S.J.R.M.C. ER (coworkers of wife )  Read >>
With Sympathy  / S.J.R.M.C. ER (coworkers of wife )

Memory in a garden where yesterday continues to blossom and love continues to grow.

 So sorry for your pain. Please let me know if you need anything. Love Miriam Youngren

 So sorry for you loss. Will keep you in my prayers.

                                       Sherrod

 Sorry for your loss. Love and prayers. Nicole

 You are in my prayers Cassy

Thoughts and prayers are with you. Now take care of yourself-listen to Cindy---- Nyla

Take care of yourself. Cindy

Sending positive thoughts and  prayers. Shelli

May your memories of happy times make you smile Diane

I'm so sorry! I'm thinking of you. If ther'es anything you need we are here for you.  Sheri Johnson

I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in my prayers.  Kayla

So sorry. Remember we are all here- thinking and praying for you.   Dar

So sorry to hear about your loss. My prayers are with you.  Amber

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself and let me know if you need anything.                            Heather

 

 I am so sorry for you loss. As time does its healing. I hope you are able to remember all the good times and carry a smile in you heart for him.                    Kim

So sorry for your loss. we are here for you and love you. Will be praying for you.                           Cecelia

 

I admire what a strong woman you are. I am so unbeleivebly  sorry for your loss. Know that you have us and we love you. Christi

 

 My heart goes out to you. You are in my prayers and thoughts. Let me know if I can do anything for you.         Sally Reel

Sorry for your loss. God bless.    Brian Hocum

You are in my thoughts!     Misty

Sorry for your loss.              Lisa   

May each memory of your loved one

feel like a small patch of sunlight

Warming your days

Soothing your heart

And giving you hope.

ER also gave a wind chime to placed in the yard so  when there is a breeze memories of  Bob will be brought on the wind since it was given with thoughts of his loved ones. Also the scent of the flowers in the spring he loved so much.

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No words can take away the sadness you feel...  / Terri And Jim Lashly (cousin)  Read >>
No words can take away the sadness you feel...  / Terri And Jim Lashly (cousin)

....but may it help to know that others care and share you loss.

                   With sympathy Terri  Lashly and family

                               and Glen Erikson and  Family

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Some men leave there mark on the world  / Buzzy And Arzetta Rarick (cousin)  Read >>
Some men leave there mark on the world  / Buzzy And Arzetta Rarick (cousin)

By the way they live and the difference they make in the lives they touch.

 It's impossible to know what to say let alone what to do. A sympathy card feels so small at a time like this. But know this we are truly sorry about Bob. We loved him too.

 We shall always treasure the memories of the reunions the two of you worked so hard on and the breakfast that followed. We loved his laugh.

Buzz has talked about all the good times he had  as a kid visiting his uncle Ray's farm And how he Jetty Billy and Bobby would fool around in the creek and in the barn.

We are very sorry you lost your soul mate. You guys traveled a long road together and anyone looked could see his pride and love for you.

 Hang in there.

                                 Love Arzetta and Buzz

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Dear Carla,  / Diana (friend)  Read >>
Dear Carla,  / Diana (friend)

 I so do not know where to start. I was shocked when I arrived home last Friday and was catching up on the newspapers and read about Bob. I stopped by his room to let him know that Mom was going home that day. We had a nice chat about your trip to Alaska and why he landed up in the hospital. He seemed relaxed and assured that the surgery was going to go well. And of course we talked about kitty cats. Our hearts go out to you for your loss You both have meant so much to me Frank and Doni and our cats. Even though we did not see you on a daily basis anymore the friendship was and still is there If there is anything that we can do for you please let us know.

                                       Diana Frank and Doni    

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Thought of hope and Comfort  / Sue Hokenson (friend of family )  Read >>
Thought of hope and Comfort  / Sue Hokenson (friend of family )

After the clouds. the sunshine

After the winter the spring.

After the showers the rainbow.

For life is a changeable thing...

After the night the morning.

Bidding all darkness cease....

After life's cares and sorrows.

The comfort and sweetness of peace.

Helen Steiner Rice

Thinking of you with heartfelt sympathy and the hope that God's healing touch will bring you peace.

I was so shcoked to hear you lost Bob. My thought and prayers are with you. If you need  to talk call me.

Susan Hokenson

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Praying For You in Your Loss  / Jetty Hegler (cousin)  Read >>
Praying For You in Your Loss  / Jetty Hegler (cousin)

 Mei it console you to know  others care and pray for you.

 My heart goes out for you and my prayers are with you.

                              Jetty Reno and Jade

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To Comfort You  / Jess Rhoades (friend)  Read >>
To Comfort You  / Jess Rhoades (friend)

Mei it comfort you to know that the thought and prayers of other are with you.

 I'm so sorry your husband passed away.

 I remember his humor when I met him- wish I had the chance to know him more.

 I'm thinking if you and feel heavy hearted.

                                     Yours sincerely Jess

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What the heart has once owned...shall never lose.  / Sandy Scrugggs (friend)  Read >>
What the heart has once owned...shall never lose.  / Sandy Scrugggs (friend)

May you find comfort in the many loving memories you carry in your heart forever. With deepest sympathy.

 I was so sorry to hear of your husband's passing. I only heard about it a few days ago.

 If there is anything I can do to help you please let me know.

                                                Love

                                                   Sandy 

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With deepest Sympathy  / Carolyn Crawford (friend)  Read >>
With deepest Sympathy  / Carolyn Crawford (friend)

In this difficult time please know that thought of comfort and care are with you.

   So sorry to hear of your loss- I hope all the good times and memories will help you through these hard times.  If there is anything I can do do please call if its just to have coffee. My grandkids  remember him being so nice when they would deliver taht sale paper. You take care of yourself.

 

                                          Carolyn  

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With Sympathy  / Mary Howell (friend)  Read >>
With Sympathy  / Mary Howell (friend)
Mei beautiful memories substain you during this time of sorrow.
 I am so sorry to hear about Bob but know he is in God's hands. Remember the good memories you have and will always have.
                                            A friend
                                               Mary
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